Winter rain

Room heaters, bath tubs and wool are the key to my warmth these days. I keep reading about people in Ontario throwing snowballs, biking home from late study sessions at the library in the snow, and wearing winter coats. Here in East Sooke the weather is far from wintery - at least to me.

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This is Canela.

This is Leo.

This is at Ford Warden State Park in Port Townsend, Washington.

Tofino! And true open ocean. None of this Olympic Mountain background business. Just pure, beautiful, harsh, vast - OCEAN.

This week I successfully made sour mizithra. It's a soft cheese. Mmmm. So delicious. I also made parmesan. Woop de doo. I thoroughly enjoy making cheese. It tastes so delicious. The farm dwellers had pizza for dinner on Friday. We used cheese I made to put on all of the pizzas, and into the outdoor stone oven they went. Delicious I tell you. I was thinking about it and I probably eat around five servings of wonderfully fattening dairy a day. I've recently made chocolate, raspberry and vanilla ice cream. 

The month of November has been rainy so far. Rain is a daily occurrence now. That's alright, it's all part of the experience. And what an experience it has been. My heart is beginning to ache for the comforts of home - my own space, friends that drink tea together, potlucks, and funk night at the Albion to name a few. At the same moment, simultaneously, I am so unsure. The farm is a place I am now accustomed to. I wake, I work, I live here. I learn here. It's been such a testing time being here. People always talk about "going off", "doing something", "taking time off" - well technically I've done that I suppose. But here I am, in the office of the barn (because technology stinks and computers break) and is there some greater lesson I've learned? To be honest, most of the lessons I think I have learned are dark and dreary. But they're true.

Today I took off to Victoria and drank tea in Chinatown. I'm a feeling advocate. I'll tell you that. I say feel to the max. Feel it all. And I realized, that the simple knowledge of truth is meaningless to me. Knowing what is true in life has no affect on me. Knowing something in my head is at times useless. Once I feel truth in my heart, it is then that truth ultimately affects me. And I suppose that's why the lessons I've learned seem somewhat depressing, because they've been difficult truths to learn, and difficult feelings have accompanied those truths. This may sound like bologna to you - but it's realities slap in the face to me.

The farm is reality. It's work. It's food. It's disagreeing with people. It's laughing with people. It's a simple life that at times is so incredibly easy to appreciate. It's at those times I think to myself, :"Why the heck am I leaving here?" But life requires change, and I need to figure out what change I need in my life. I can't run off to some farm on Vancouver Island whenever I'm scared of what's coming. I need to face life. And face my uncertainties about school and social work, by returning to those very things. I need to face my uncertainties about the necessity academia, student life and community by partaking in it. I have many more truths to learn, perhaps dark, perhaps full of the brightness of life. But in order to learn those truths, I need to not run away. I need to go back to Guelph.