I desire anything but the mediocre, anything but the norm, and anything but the expected. To gain these things intention is necessary. To live in a way that is synonymous with my heart, requires thoughtfulness, and enourmous amounts of self-reflection. I wonder how we can move from day to day without having accomplished anything. It's possible to watch the months pass without developing as a human, even in the slightest.

There are too many cliche sayings about making the most of the day. I simply want to live with intention. I don't want to fall into a routine of regularities, a routine of predictability.

Anything but the mediocre. Maybe I'm idealistic. I'll take my chances.

City living

How can anyone thrive in cities?

The tea and coffee was served in the guitar repair room. The musicians were simply musicians. Any cover songs were thirty years old or more. The musicians keyboard was not allowed in the venue, "Guitars only". Perhaps the only way to spend a Friday night.

Guelph indeed has something to offer.

Nothing out of the ordinary

Just, you know, being a weirdo again.

Funny how absorbed we can become by fiction. Movies, books, other silly media. There's been times that I wanted to work at a hospital in Ethiopia, ranch cattle in Wyoming, build schools in Afghanistan, become a fur trapper, or start a new life in Arizona, all due to beautiful fiction. Books are excellent.

On that note I am going to go read my book.

Don't underestimate the little guy

Leave me with this moment and all will be well.

Currently underway - Gouda

Gouda with pasteurized milk is now firming. I have quite an interesting set up including: a cookie sheet, a cake pan, a cheese mold, hand weights and a side plate. Beside this set up the brine solution has been made. Give me eight hours and I'll see how much whey has come out of the cheeses (I used two molds).

The problems:

• I did not use calcium chloride which is required for making cheese with store bought milk. Milk that has been pasteurized doesn't have the same qualities as raw milk, and calcium chloride helps make the milk more firm so when it comes time to cut the curd you get a nice clean break. The curds were sloppy and small, so I lost a few when draining the whey.
• I also do not have the proper size mold so I used a cake pan of sorts and the cheese mold I received for Christmas. This means that one cheese will be the perfect size, the other will be a large skinny circle. 
• I'm still trying to get the hang of not using farm fresh milk, which is much more forgiving in the cheese making process.

Well I'll hope for the best. I like making cheeses that require a brine solution because it lowers the moisture content of the cheese without it drying out and cracking. Tomorrow evening I'll have myself some gouda (and enough for some friends too).

The return to school has brought about an increased level of procrastination in my life - which means wandering throughout the internet discovering beautiful music. Here are a few sweet melodies:

Old habits die hard

I take a long time to learn things, partly because I'm afraid to know more, partly because it seems I enjoy making the same mistakes again and again.

I enjoy time to be alone, space to think, and the sound of silence. If there's anything I will strive for in the coming months it will be to remember this. Instead of focusing on how many things I can cram into a day I could focus on the quality of those things. This is not a new idea, not a new discovery, not new in any sense really. Just a reminder.

Also, am I ever relieved I decided to study part-time this semester. If I studied full-time I would fall into a pattern not desirable in any way. Mind you (who is you? silly blogs) that pattern is still feasible, a pattern of mindlessness, and to not succumb to old habits (which truly do die hard) a certain level of consciousness is crucial. 

Life is good; it's sweet. It also leaves a horrible taste in your mouth sometimes. Storm before the calm they say? In order to truly find what you're looking for, well that entails more dedication and searching than what the average person is willing.

And on a less ambiguous note: I am going to go lie under my covers, read my book, and fall asleep.

Untitled, a photo by ida nordung on Flickr.

just dreaming

I am returning to school soon. It's a return I am not excited about. I like having a job. Not an assignment. These assignment indeed will lead me to a job. I want to know the necessity of it all. Why can we not work our way up? Build our skill set independently of these institutions. I understand, doctors and lawyers, let them go to university. The majority of us though, is it necessary?

Well then. What now? What do you do? Yet again, here I am, at another moment of uncertainty. I am becoming quite accustomed to these. They come more frequently, more routinely. Too much idealism perhaps? 

I am in my bed. In Guelph. It is late. But I am back. It feels good. Right. Correct. It's all temporary, I know that. This time next year I will not be in this room, under these covers. I will, if all goes according to plan, in Vancouver. Life may throw me a curveball and perhaps I'll find myself somewhere else. I'm okay with that. Right now though, I have a space that for now, is my own, and it feels so sweet. No matter if the people I am around, or the places I am at, are temporary, it just feels good.