The Island Again

It's nice when things work out - and they always do, don't they?

Dreams become plans, and plans begin to become what you're living. I'm on my way to living the life I want to have. Knowing me I will never be fully satisfied. I'll always want to see what more I can do, what better, more beautiful things I can see. I'll always want to meet more colourful people. And that makes life interesting.

I'm going back to Vancouver today, after spending the week on the island - doing things I enjoy, and really relaxing, way more then I ever could in the big thriving Vancouver metropolis. I was fortunate enough to see a beautiful sunrise, be at the beach for a sunny afternoon, and eat delicious food. I feel rested.

Enjoy the holidays!

One I Enjoy

The Path

Running along a bank, a parapet
The level road, there is a path. It serves
Children for looking down the long smooth steep,
Between the legs of beech and yew, to where
A fallen tree checks the sight: while men and women
Content themselves with the road and what they see
Over the bank, and what the children tell.
The path, winding like silver, trickles on,
Bordered and even invaded by thinnest moss
That tries to cover roots and crumbling chalk
With gold, olive, and emerald, but in vain.
The children wear it. They have flattened the bank
On top, and silvered it between the moss
With the current of their feet, year after year.
But the road is houseless, and leads not to school.
To see a child is rare there, and the eye
Has but the road, the wood that overhangs
And underyawns it, and the path that looks
As if it led on to some legendary
Or fancied place where men have wished to go
And stay; till, sudden, it ends where the wood ends.

Edward Thomas

Just so good to groove to. Old stuff - but it doesn't even matter!

Give me a bicycle

Finally I had two days off in a row. All I wanted to do was get out of the city. I had a lovely bike ride out of Vancouver, over the Lions Gate Bridge, through North and West Vancouver! There were no clouds in the sky and from Lions Gate Bridge I could see Mount Baker in Washington. Such a beautiful sight!

Was such a gorgeous day!

That right there is downtown Vancouver, Stanley Park and Lions Gate Bridge to the left of Stanley Park. It was quite the bike ride. I think you may even be able to see Mount Baker to the far left!

All those clouds on the horizon are hiding Vancouver Island.

Can you believe that? It was sunny and I had the day off. Doesn't get much better than that. 

Made a massive pot of lentil soup tonight.

Two carrots, two celery stalks, two cups of lentils, a can of tomatoes, an onion, lots of garlic, spices, herbs, and a bit of leftovers. The pot made around eight servings and hopefully for less than a dollar a serving. I'm trying to eat more cheaply. Still healthy though. This is another thing I'm growing increasingly concerned about. Since I've been working so much I haven't always been able to prepare my lunches. I do my best, but time is only so abundant. I want to stay healthy, in shape, and fit. Mind you, having my body out of commission has definitely put a damper on staying active.

I've also decided to purchase no alcoholic drinks, sweets or clothes (thrift stores included) for two weeks in an attempt to save my hard-earned money for school. Living the life, I tell you. Moving to a city has a lot of expenses. One of which is trying to be social, which more often than not costs money. Well I'm going to do my best.

Future tip though: if one is trying to save money rethink moving to the most expensive city to live in Canada.

This was my nineteenth day working --- in a row.

This week I got hit by a car. Literally, a car drove directly into me probably going 40 km/hr. I am sore. Just now I wiped out on our slippery back porch steps. My body hurts.

I have a day off tomorrow though. I'm going to sleep. I am thoroughly exhausted.

First of many

The rain has arrived. Biked to work regardless. On my way home I got a pair of cycling rain pants. Money well spent but an expense none the less. Now that I'm into the swing of things and there are less random expenses I am trying to budget more, spend less. Harder said than done. Working seven days in a row should help. I've completed day one. Some days, actually most days I wish I could have an income more similar to my neighbours - except I wouldn't spend it on a BMW or Mercedes. My time will come, it will just take some thriftiness to get there.

All because of some bike pants. Pfftttt. I'll be happy I got them when I get to work tomorrow and don't have to put my boots under the oven to dry.

Seven Straight Days

After seven straight days of work I was exhausted. Moving to a new city, knowing close to no one, having almost no connections is... well some people tell me it's brave, others think it's its stupid, and myself? Well I think it is necessary, and that's the only way of looking at it. I was pretty down and out this week. Working all day, biking home, and eating dinner at 9:30. The bike ride to and from work is exercise for the body and soul. My headspace always changes for the better. I sometimes let out some frustration by speeding as much as I can, or my mind just goes off to nowhere. 

I think that's why I need exercise. I need to feel my heart pounding and my muscles working. I think it's one of the only ways for me to properly process my thoughts. It gives me time to simply think. And when you are gasping for breath your emotions often turn dim. I went for a jog today to Jericho beach. It's surprisingly empty most of the time. There were a handful of people at the beach, not including a film crew at the pier. 

This evening I looked for some volunteer opportunities. I think I've been so busy trying to figure things out, crossing things off a to-do list, and working that I forgot all about the idea of volunteering. It's kind of given me a bit of renewed hope. Volunteering with something I think is of actual value will not only be good for the soul, but probably helpful to meet like minded people. Living in a city this large has its perks. For now I enjoy it. But I know it's temporary. I know that I need to be more connected to nature, to my food, to my surroundings. I enjoy more quiet, more space. For needing those things though, Vancouver suits me pretty well. The fact that I can jog to the ocean shore still doesn't see normal. If I bike a bit further I can sit by the forest on the rocky shore looking at the open ocean alone, away from the view of the city --- I find that even more impressive.

I am back to work tomorrow, after a couple days off. Cutting meat and selling boots. That's what I do right now. Tomorrow will mark one month! I cannot believe that it's only been one month since moving here. I already have two reliable jobs. I have made one friend. I have seen some old friends. I'm sure things will only improve from here on.

And the other job....

Work perks

These boots were one hundred percent free! 

Sunrise and sunset

Sunrise and sunset. Today biking home the sun was setting and I could see it bright, just above the tree tops. I almost was home but couldn't resist the urge to keep on going right on to the ocean shore, past the busyness of the city streets. I saw a sunrise and sunset today. Was nice.

Bike ride to the beach, almond croissant and earl grey, home made banana bread, free new leather chair - and that's my day.

Good day today. Got a second job. Drank coffee. Found a hot sauce shop. Went on a lovely bike ride. Bought some ice cream.

16th Avenue

Someone at work told me that according to her theory it takes eight days for a place to feel like home. Well it's day four. I'm beginning to feel like my bedroom is mine. I'm starting to not open the wrong cupboards looking for a mug. I also know that if I bike directly down the street I'll end up at a cupcake store. I've finally found my bank (just today). I also found a terrible place to go for a jog. Parks are much busier in Vancouver than in Guelph, believe it or not. I'd rather not jog past tones of miniature rat-dogs and family picnics when sweat is rolling down my face.

The first day being here was a shock. I ended up not eating for fourteen hours and walking for three. I simply was not thinking. I take that back, I was over thinking everything. Since then I've found most of the things I've needed in the kitchen to cook a delicious meal. I've also purchased a bike, and a rack too! Which means no more three hour walks, just three hour bike rides. I have gotten lost all three times on way to work. Not lost in the sense that I showed up half an hour late, but in the sense that I always miss a bike trail, or make a left hand turn two blocks late, causing me to have to bike up an incredibly steep incline.

All in all, things are good. My house is lovely. It's even clean! My housemates are nice, really nice actually! Nicer than I remembered. It helps that the last tenant was somewhat of a disaster; they think I'm great! And get this, tomorrow night my chef housemate is making us ribs for dinner. So far, so good. Every so often I catch a beautiful view of the ocean and mountains and remember where exactly I am.

I find it really encouraging that I can actually pull a move like this off. I'm on my way to getting a second job. The two possibilities I'm hoping for are a health food store or a shoe store. It seems like a lot of places are hiring, so my timing is pretty good. The butcher shop has turned out (in this short amount of time) to be great. The boss is really excited about the store, and it's great to work for a store I really believe in. Can you believe that in between the cow being born and it ending up in a customers hands, there is a maximum of twenty people who've dealt with it!?! Honestly.

Well there's an update. Hope all is well back east. (I feel funny saying that)

Risk Assessment

Moving in three days. Have a place, have a job. Still need another one. Things work out in the end. They always do. New experiences are good. Truly. I am nervous. Scared, even.

I'd say I've done a pretty thorough risk assessment, and this is a risk worth taking. 

Moving to Vancouver in less than two weeks. I'm ready to just go, and get the next month over with. I'm going to have to start fresh, and I'm excited, nervous, etc, but mostly just want to get it started with. I don't know where I'm going to end up that will be a place I feel I belong, but it's not here. I want to meet new people, and close this chapter of my life.

I'm pretty frustrated at the moment, and am too focused on that to see the good things right now. I'll go for a jog and clear my head, and then, most likely I will feel more like myself.

Clearing my mind before resting my head.

Living in Guelph till the summer end. I'm adjusted to the heat now, the sticky and unescapable heat. But I'm used to it. I'm adjusted to the slow pace, the excess of time in a day, the often occurring boredom. I know it's a mindset, boredom, but my mind is restless. I am restless.

It's always good to be tested, and challenged. We all continually are. Deciding whether or not we've reached a place where we are satisfied. You ask me one day and I'll be full of satisfaction, the next day I'll feel like it's far away.

I want to simply live a life seeking truth. A life with integrity and respect, sincerity and an awareness of myself and those around me.

Being where I am is good, I have so many people who care so much about me so close to me. And soon they won't be close. I'll be in Vancouver. In a city unknown to me. Everything will be new. I'll have incredibly few people near me who know me, and even fewer who care about me. But even in Guelph, a city with much fewer people, I am reminded of how good it is to meet new people, share with them, and try to embrace all of our differences.

I know moving will be successful. I love people. I love their company and their stories. I love jokes and humour, similarities and differences, quirks and idiosyncrasies. No matter where I place my feet there will be others who also love these things. They may come few and far between, but so far I've found at least a couple. I hope to only find more when I make the move to the other side of the country.

Till then, I'll be living a familiar life. Riding my bike five minutes to work. Enjoying familiar company. And enjoying the time that I find myself alone, reflecting on the good and the bad.

The father and I are headed to Vancouver for a few days. House hunting, hiking, spending some time in the city.

I want to find a place, get that worry out of my mind. There is an apartment in that city that I will soon be calling home and I would really like to find it.

Carmanah, chainsaws, clearcuts

Today I will be taking the ferry from Vancouver Island to Vancouver to start tree planting on the fourth. Ready? Not too sure but it doesn't matter so much now.

While on the island I took a trip up to Tahsis which is a tiny logging town, up island, off the beaten path. Drove eighty some kilometers on really rough logging roads. On Saturday I went to see the largest/tallest (not quite sure) red cedar in Canada, the Carmanah. That third picture hardly does the tree justice. My guess is that it is thirteen feet wide. It's a thousand years old and it's branches are the size of the average southern Ontario tree.

I've also learned how to use a chainsaw and with my new ability helped to clear a logging road of brush for friends who have a salvage claim. I saw a tree faller fall old growth cyrpus, fir and cedar. Stood watching fifty foot tall trees come crashing to the ground, only to see the fluorescent helmet of the faller run along his exit path. He carried a twenty five pound chainsaw like it was a kitchen utensil, working non stop only to sit and take a gulp of water and have a smoke. Once he said "it'd be a crime to leave a beauty like that standing" about a tree on the border of the claim, and I was reminded that this man had the mindset of a true logger. Mind you the trees that were not 'harvested' by these guys for their small scale sawmill were going to be clear cut in a large scale operation in the coming months regardless.

I made sushi for the first time, enjoyed the last steak from Georgina (a cow I helped slaughter when I was last at the farm), and went to the local pub for what really are the best wings.

I've posted a few pictures. Now I need to pack, clean, and get ready for another season (though it will be short) of planting. Once again I'm living out of a suitcase and I love it. My knowledge of island geography has increased substantially since being here. Navigating through logging roads helps with that I'd say.

Well I should be off. I've got lots to do before heading to the ferry and as of now, I've started hardly any of it.

Calculus Day

Last night I was full of energy and packed half of my room up. It seems like I have done this multiple times because I think I'm getting better at it. After I write this silly blurb I will spend all day studying calculus; first at the kitchen table in my bedroom that I call a desk, then at the massive concrete library on campus. At nine o'clock tonight I will have officially made it through the semester (hopefully with passing grades). The next three days to follow are full of packing, working, and spending time with my lovely friends.

Tuesday morning I board the plane to Vancouver Island, and once again I'll be on the oceanside, taking in the ocean's wind, mist, and power. I'll have a vacation. Then I will work incessantly to make as much money as I can in a rather short time frame at tree-planting.

But as of now I am feeling full of gratefulness for the things my friends have brought me this semester, and excitement for the next year, for it will full of necessary changes!

King of the Lemurs

Classes are ending this week.

Basic thoughts in my head:

- excitement for no more perpetual boredom

- weather is beautiful

- the love my friends have for me is pretty unreal

- desperation for my reunion with ocean

Right now my mind isn't too complicated of a place.

This weather has been beautiful. Unreal. Many customers come into the store and share with us how disturbing they think it is. Well fine, it's disturbing, they've got me there. But I still love the absence of winter. No snow. No winter boots. No slush.

I have three weeks of school left and thank goodness. I am bored out of my mind and in need of some adventure. I am ecstatic that I'll be able to enjoy Vancouver Island for two full weeks before I return to the logged blocks and clear cuts. The ocean, the gardens, the cows, the people, the food. Oh, the food. I want to eat fresh food. 

The last weeks I have in Guelph will be busy, and full of time spent on my laptop studying, time with friends on what may be the best front porch in this wee city, and time at the health food store. I want to soak it all in. School in Guelph. Because let's face it. This is the last of that. 

I am trying to enjoy the moment, live in the present. You know... all that cliche stuff. It is all too true though. We always have the ability to learn new things about ourself, step outside of ourselves and observe. I want to embrace the never ceasing opportunity to grow and learn.

With that said, I will go take this opportunity to just get something over with. A quiz. I must say, there's no deeper meaning to it than that. Get 'er done. That's basically it.

nos·tal·gia/näˈstaljə/noun: a sentimental longing for the past, typically

for a period or place with happy personal associations.

The past few days have been wonderful. As soon as the end of a place is in sight, nostalgia sets in. I'll be leaving Guelph in one month, for a little while at least. Immediately all the things I dislike about this place, all the hardships and struggles, all that evaporates into thin air.

And I'm left with all the mushy goodness that warms your heart. All the beautiful people I'm surrounded by and all the change that has resulted from coming here. 

Change is a necessary thing though, and I'm ready for more of it. I still have to pass microeconomics though. And I have a month to do all the things that only Guelph can offer. 

Bittersweet, it is. 

Warm weather is literally like a drug. I cannot believe how ecstatic I am right now to be basking in this wonderful weather. Running in mud puddles along the river is perhaps my favourite thing to do in this city. I am thrilled right now. Blue skies and sunshine are a necessity, if you ask me - a precursor to euphoria. I also think endorphins are one of life's most beautiful gifts.

What a stunning day!

Keeping it seasonal

Beautiful spring day

I am young. Or I'm going through a phase. If there's any reason to not have it figured out, that's the reason people give me. If there's any reason I lack direction, or even any reason that I lack a man, it's that I'm young. Thanks for reminding me everyone. But really, I get it. Just because I'm young doesn't mean I still won't try to find the answers. Just because I'm in a 'phase' doesn't mean I won't try to get out of it.

I think I would like our society much more if we didn't have a word for everything. 

Right. Wrong. Young. Old. Ugly. Pretty. Help. Future. Education. Smart. Skilled. Focused. Lazy. Motivated. Organic. Politically Correct. Black. White. Maybe. Later. Work. Play. Leisure. Rest. Money. 

And phrases. They're even worse. That's just the way it is. When you're older. Just accept it. That's the way the world works. 

Well tell me something. When did we decide the way the world works? When did we decide that it's better to just accept something than to challenge it to no end? When did we decide that knowledge is limited by age? Isn't knowledge limited by experience? 

I'm quite tired of empty words and empty phrases. I really appreciate people who talk less and say more. People who only speak when they genuinely have something to say. I know. Don't remind me. I'm not one of those people. But I still have the ability to value them.

Our world would be so much more beautiful if we valued people for who they are and not how we want to see them. 

Also, the weather today is absolutely incredible. 

Cheese is an expensive hobby

Geeze louise. Making cheese is an expensive hobby. Perhaps one day I will get paid to do it. Recently made another feta. Hung it from the cupboard over the counter top. The whey drained out a lot better. Texture is a little spongey though. I would be much more satisfied with life if I made more cheese more successfully and did less of everything else.

Working at a health food store is great though. I get free samples of essential oils, lots of food, and some other things too. The people I work with are delightful; they're critical thinkers and full of sarcastic humour. I'm enjoying myself. Trying to be intentional about enjoying myself. There's no reason not to.

Check it out

Rice and beans
Rice and chickpeas
Rice and rice
Flour and water

Thursday is payday. Good thing too.

Thought too much today. Expectations and worries leave you empty-handed. I try to embrace the moment, find meaning in the present, but that task is not always easy.

Black rain

Some of you may know: I'm considering moving to Vancouver. Today I am in Toronto visiting a friend. I took the train from Guelph and got lost in the rain on streets lined with condominiums, people wearing identical black coats and rushing with grimaced faces. Do I really want to live in a city as large as Vancouver? Be forced to take public transit, be constantly surrounded by concrete, and unable to see the horizon. I am not a city person. I doubt I ever will be. But there's a time for everything, correct? Well if there is, perhaps there's a time for cities. A time for unreasonable rent. A time for the skytrain. A time for living among city folk. A time for becoming city folk? Nah. There's no time for that one.

I can tell you though. There's not going to be a time for living in Toronto. If a city is this large it should at least have some beautiful landscapes to surround it. I also bought an umbrella this morning. Maybe that makes me one step closer to becoming a Vancouver dweller.

Jealousy? Of course not...

Spring break. Would prefer it to be in the mountains or on the ocean. Instead went out for Persian food in the big city.  But hey, I'm not complaining about an incredible lamb and pomegranate stew. I am simply craving breath-taking scenery, fog rolling over ocean shores, and mountains impassible.

Vegetarian? Say what?

Check out my friends tumblr. He makes good food.

http://dickiepea.tumblr.com/

Good mornings make good food

Today is a good day. I do not have class, and though I am loving my new job I don't have to do that either. I started making feta (shown below hanging from a wooden spoon) and made granola. I love food. Specifically I love making food, and consuming it too. But I hate recipes. Strangely enough I love making cheese, and in the case of cheese recipes are vital.

With this feta I am going to follow the usual recipe: let it hand for six hours so the whey can drain out, slice it, salt it, flip it, salt it. After that it's ready to eat. It is at this point I will experiment by taking half of the feta (which I won't salt) and put it in a brine solution. I want a feta that is firmer and crumbles a little more. I'm hoping this experiment if successful. If it is I'll sell it to my first customer. At one point in my life I would love to have many customers. And more cheesemaking equipment too; wooden spoons, one pot, and rubber bands can only take you so far.

End note: I love food.

May I just say that I love having a job. Working and earning what you deserve for your work feels good.

I want to learn more. Life needs to be full. I want to live a life full of wonder and discovery. And I do indeed want what's right, what's good, what's just.

At this moment I am quite at ease with my lack of clarity. Daily that feeling changes, but on this monday the feeling I have is one of peace.

I am a rambler. Probably always will be.

The flow of life.

Tugging and pulling.

Up and down.

A step back, a step forward.

All a vital part of life. It's about time to accept it.

(also - bought a dress today. congrats to me for finally getting a job)

Best given reason to have children: to sing them this song

Humans are pack animals

Are we not?

What about the lone wolf? May sound depressing to some, romantic to others, or to few, simply the reality of life. Either way, there's definitely times that I feel like a lone wolf, not that I do not have people close to me that I cherish dearly. There are just times that I feel like exploring the countryside, rustic rolling hills, and the rest of the land wolves see, alone.

A lack of faith in people may be a reason for this 'one wolf' thought. There's no doubt that my faith could be restored.  But on this night I feel like the only one howling to the moon.

Woke up on the right side of the bed this morning. A little Tim O'Brien can always do me good.

IT'S FEBRUARY.

I desire anything but the mediocre, anything but the norm, and anything but the expected. To gain these things intention is necessary. To live in a way that is synonymous with my heart, requires thoughtfulness, and enourmous amounts of self-reflection. I wonder how we can move from day to day without having accomplished anything. It's possible to watch the months pass without developing as a human, even in the slightest.

There are too many cliche sayings about making the most of the day. I simply want to live with intention. I don't want to fall into a routine of regularities, a routine of predictability.

Anything but the mediocre. Maybe I'm idealistic. I'll take my chances.

City living

How can anyone thrive in cities?

The tea and coffee was served in the guitar repair room. The musicians were simply musicians. Any cover songs were thirty years old or more. The musicians keyboard was not allowed in the venue, "Guitars only". Perhaps the only way to spend a Friday night.

Guelph indeed has something to offer.

Nothing out of the ordinary

Just, you know, being a weirdo again.

Funny how absorbed we can become by fiction. Movies, books, other silly media. There's been times that I wanted to work at a hospital in Ethiopia, ranch cattle in Wyoming, build schools in Afghanistan, become a fur trapper, or start a new life in Arizona, all due to beautiful fiction. Books are excellent.

On that note I am going to go read my book.

Don't underestimate the little guy

Leave me with this moment and all will be well.

Currently underway - Gouda

Gouda with pasteurized milk is now firming. I have quite an interesting set up including: a cookie sheet, a cake pan, a cheese mold, hand weights and a side plate. Beside this set up the brine solution has been made. Give me eight hours and I'll see how much whey has come out of the cheeses (I used two molds).

The problems:

• I did not use calcium chloride which is required for making cheese with store bought milk. Milk that has been pasteurized doesn't have the same qualities as raw milk, and calcium chloride helps make the milk more firm so when it comes time to cut the curd you get a nice clean break. The curds were sloppy and small, so I lost a few when draining the whey.
• I also do not have the proper size mold so I used a cake pan of sorts and the cheese mold I received for Christmas. This means that one cheese will be the perfect size, the other will be a large skinny circle. 
• I'm still trying to get the hang of not using farm fresh milk, which is much more forgiving in the cheese making process.

Well I'll hope for the best. I like making cheeses that require a brine solution because it lowers the moisture content of the cheese without it drying out and cracking. Tomorrow evening I'll have myself some gouda (and enough for some friends too).

The return to school has brought about an increased level of procrastination in my life - which means wandering throughout the internet discovering beautiful music. Here are a few sweet melodies:

Old habits die hard

I take a long time to learn things, partly because I'm afraid to know more, partly because it seems I enjoy making the same mistakes again and again.

I enjoy time to be alone, space to think, and the sound of silence. If there's anything I will strive for in the coming months it will be to remember this. Instead of focusing on how many things I can cram into a day I could focus on the quality of those things. This is not a new idea, not a new discovery, not new in any sense really. Just a reminder.

Also, am I ever relieved I decided to study part-time this semester. If I studied full-time I would fall into a pattern not desirable in any way. Mind you (who is you? silly blogs) that pattern is still feasible, a pattern of mindlessness, and to not succumb to old habits (which truly do die hard) a certain level of consciousness is crucial. 

Life is good; it's sweet. It also leaves a horrible taste in your mouth sometimes. Storm before the calm they say? In order to truly find what you're looking for, well that entails more dedication and searching than what the average person is willing.

And on a less ambiguous note: I am going to go lie under my covers, read my book, and fall asleep.

Untitled, a photo by ida nordung on Flickr.

just dreaming