Home

I live on East Sooke Road, in between Gillespie Road and Anderson Cove. I have been to: Iron Mine Bay, Cabin Point, Beechy Point, Aylard Farm, Beecher Bay, Pike Road, Park Heights Trail, part of the Coast Trail, Babbington Trail and Endurance Ridge.

Two kayakers went missing two days ago. There is a search and rescue team looking for them - helicopters, boats, float planes. The neighbours spotted a cougar a week ago. I saw sea lions in the ocean a couple of days ago. I also saw very dangerous jellyfish in the ocean (according to Murray). This is my backyard. And I like it.

Getting things straight

First and foremost, I have no long term plan. I don't know what I'll do when I graduate. I don't know where I'll settle down. I don't know if I ever want children. And thinking about the future.... nope.

Secondly, running is just so gosh darn good. Kicking myself to get off of my lazy behind is the only problem. Once I do that though, my head is cleared, my legs are firing, my heart is pounding and my soul is smiling.

Thirdly, one of my favourite things about Ragley Farm is dancing in the milking room. After evening milking I normally try to power through all of the washing. I swear half of dairy is washing dishes, sanitizing dishes, etc, etc. But when I am washing the dishes in the milking room after everyone has left the farm I do my thing. And my thing includes dancing and singing at the top of my lungs to this song:

Dave Rawlings Machine - Monkey and the Engineer

If you want a window into my soul listen to this song. Mmm, dancing to this definitely includes some heel tapping.

Tractor driving

Today has been a normal day, for the most part. I woke up and ate granola and yogurt. I milked Nell, Ginger and Canela (in that order). I watered the herb gardens. I moved several loads of sawdust from the sawmill to the barn. This was done using the tractor. I went to Sooke to do errands. I made queso fresco and bonbon -- both soft cheeses. I started turning the soil for a garden. Tonight I milk the cows, salt the feta, and take the queso fresco out of it's mold.

While working in the garden I listened to this song.

The Truck Got Stuck - Corb Lund

I am realizing that I like country music. I don't know where I went wrong. I think as long as there is some blues it's okay.

I have been here fifty nine days. Everyday is different. Some days I am so content being here. Other days I miss my friends back home so incredibly much (you know who you are). The season's changing.  I needed to get two blankets from Josie because the two I have are not keeping me quite warm enough at night. The barn is chilly. The air is damp too. It took my clothes two days to dry on the line this week.

Here are some things I have to look forward to in October:

• Money - I start getting paid. Believe it or not up to this point the only money I have received is that made from shoveling sawdust.
• A.A Bondy - October seventh. That's the day. Drew and I are going to go to Vancouver to see A.A Bondy in concert. am I excited? Yes. 
• Slaughtering and butchering Georgina - Do not get me wrong, Georgina is an absolutely wonderful cow. But here purpose is clear - beef. And I get to soon learn some very useful (well for my life goals) skills.
• Slaughtering and processing the meat birds - These chickens are not absolutely wonderful. They're dumb. Again, I will be able to learn a very useful skill (Dad: this means that I can slaughter your meat birds now -- hmmm? what do you say?)
• A half marathon --- we'll see how that goes
• Portland (I'll keep my fingers crossed)

What do I have to look forward to tomorrow? Well there's breakfast. There's coffee time. There's lunch. Oh, and dinner. The day I return to Ontario is going to be such an incredibly bitter-sweet day. The food, ohh the food -- will it ever be different. No longer will I walk a hundred feet with a kitchen knife in hand, to the gardens, then back to the kitchen. I'll have to be much more intentional. Eeeekkk. 

And I'll be a student again. I don't want to think about that. How on earth am I suppose to sit still that long? I bet my hands will be ridiculously clean. I'm glad that day is still somewhat far away. 

When I went on a farm tour in Port Townsend I went to a Walford school that was actually a functioning farm. Now doesn't that make sense? If I have kids (waaayyy in the future, oh goodness, if if if) they're going to school on a farm. 

Well I need to eat some food before the evening milking. 

Note: I feel awkward writing this thing. I feel like I am writing lots of boring, useless, irrelevant, uninteresting information. But this is my life. It's simple.

Rain

It's Sunday.
It's raining.
I'm listening to this song.
Ruby - Dave Rawlings Machine
You should listen to it.
I ate oatmeal for breakfast. I use a stainless steel mixing bowl to eat my oatmeal because the kitchen bowls are too small for my gigantic breakfasts.

In two weekends (Thanskgiving weekend) I am going to Vancouver to see a concert with someone from the farm. That's Friday night. On Sunday I will be running a half-marathon in Victoria. That will be an exciting weekend.

I'm here for another two months. A little bit more than that. That scares me. A lot.

During market yesterday I put out a bunch of books that were lying around the barn - with a sign that said, Free Books looking for a loving home. Please do not leave any books, BUT take as many as you'd like. Three quarters of the books were taken, and that makes me happy. Books are meant to read - not sit in cardboard boxes in a random room in the barn.

I'm going to go have a piece of pie.

One last thing -- I'm reading a collection of short stories called "Home Schooling" by Carol Windley. They're excellent. It's a series of stories about families, and the problems these families are facing. Dark, but truthful.

Okay -- now I am going to have a piece of pie.

Obligated

I blogged more when I didn't have more enjoyable things to do. This is not implying that people who are adamant about keeping an up-to-date blog have nothing better to do.

These are the more enjoyable things I have to do:

• Two days ago I learned to drive a tractor. I used it to dump sawdust. What a surprise huh?
• I went to Port Townsend in Washington last weekend to go on a farm tour. I also went to a Will Allen talk. Look him up on the internet.
• I swam in the ocean a couple of days ago. It was quite chilly but I was more impulsive than the weather was chilly.
• I ran fifteen kilometers this afternoon with the neighbour. I am signing up for a half-marathon in Victoria (which reminds me, I have to do that)
• Milk the cows - I still have to do that
• Eat wonderful meals cooked by all of the wonderful farm residents. I still do not like cooking. But that's okay. There's more to life. I enjoy baking though. And other miscellaneous kitchen tasks.

Also, to those dear friends and family who've written me. I really appreciate it. Thank you. It brightens up my day when I see mail for me and am reminded of all the people who love me.

Burning duties

I just broke the necks of three chicks. They were deformed, couldn't eat and were starving. Josie wouldn't kill them because she doesn't like killing chicks. I was sick of seeing them roll around in little circles. I've never killed an animal before. I was told, "Break their neck", so I did. Not a good feeling. Feel a little sick.

Sorry if you don't like the thought of chicks dying. That's just the way life goes sometimes.

Fatboy Slim and moldy colours

Today: 

• Harvest for the restaurants - Ulla, Brasserie, Empress and Zambris (in order of drop off)
• Treated to iced mochachino and peanut butter cookie with Rob. Chinatown, Victoria.
• Picked up Globe and Mail. The Times Colonist doesn't have real news. It doesn't have articles about the NDP leadership campaign. Instead it notifies you the weight of the biggest sockeye salmon caught on Labour Day weekend. 

This evening:

• Enjoyed corn on the cob with the delivery man and the "boss" (according to her mug)
• Read the Globe and Mail (parts of it)
• Downloaded music -- Fatboy Slim, The Sheepdogs, The Rolling Stones, Ralph Stanley and Jimmy Carter, The Notorious B.I.G and Tupac --- country and rap --- two music genres that I now like
• The big event this evening was revealing the gouda. I walked into the milking room and Susan said "Did you remember the gouda?" Hand over mouth. "No!" "Well, it's ready." Relief. Oh goodness, for a moment I thought I messed up the only hard cheese I have yet attempted. Well I looked at it, and mold every colour of the rainbow had claimed my gouda as it's new home. After washing off all of my gouda's new residents, the cheese was less colourful and more appealing. Then the best part of making cheese: cutting the first slice. Well, I'll let you know, it's official, I made gouda. This was an example of a successful abandoned cheese. Susan and I normally make abandoned cheeses. They're quite resilient. It feels quite splendid actually. I have learned a new skill. Successfully. I can make cheese.

Life on the farm is moving along. I no longer notice the passing of a week. I'm fully flung into the routine of a week. 

• Tuesday - restaurant harvest, Victoria delivery
• Wednesday - morning and evening milking, break in the middle of the day
• Thursday - morning milking, work till four
• Friday - market harvest
• Saturday - market
• Sunday - day off
• Monday - ride my bike to Sooke, drink an Americano while writing a letter at "The Stick", volunteer at Ayre Manor, ride my bike home

This is the flow of life for me at the moment. I feel quite lucky to be able to live such a simple, focused life right now. I think that I'm being enabled to appreciate the smaller things in life. Sitting on the patio watching the evening sky is an activity I commonly partake in. Being still, just sitting and breathing is something I have time to do. I consider myself fortunate. 

I do crave more though. I think this is partially an innate human condition, but also a fault of my own. An inability to be satisfied. I cannot find my satisfaction in community, in farming, in physical activity, in school, or by being an activist, an adventurer, beautiful, unique, or even by having perfect relationships, having success, or by having a significant other. I need to crave one thing and one thing only. Until the search I constantly am finding myself on is a search for the heart of God I'm going to be wandering in the dark. I'll be wandering through potlucks, gardens, concerts, and jogging trails. I don't want to be stumbling through life. I want to be walking with the Lord.

There's a little taste of sincerity. Now if you could only taste my gouda.

Normality

"We must pray that God will teach us to love those we do not like and then to like those he is teaching us to love." Jean Vanier

Today was normal. My days are all becoming normal. I'm becoming completely accustomed to Ragley farm. If I wasn't here, today would've been my first day back in class. Instead it was my first day milking a cow completely by hand. 

Good things:

• Letters
• Skype dates
• The ocean air
• Single speed bikes in the city
• Rice pudding
• Sun dresses
• Turnips

Bad things:

• Resentment
• Low self-confidence
• Waiting for things to "blow over"

Dairy bust

I ruined yogurt today. My queso fresco tastes weird. And the feta may be sketchy as well. Custard turned out okay. But really? One of four will not suffice.

Hmmph.

Scott Peck

"But there is a subtle yet crucial point beyond which we cannot 'go it alone' successfully - beyond which a sense of self-determination not only becomes prideful and begins to interfere with further spiritual growth but also denies reality." What Return Can I Make? - Scott Peck

Lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees. Stand up straight, and strong. Walk straight. Do it right so you will not be put out of joint. Walk in a way that will bring about healing.

Based on Hebrews 12: 12, 13

The way you walk may prevent injury, but it is God who heals your broken self.

Stuck in my head

Every morning for the past week I have woken up with Sean Hayes stuck in my head. Someone get him out (not cause I don't like him), cause I need variety.

Moondoggies - The Undertaker

Sean Hayes - Flowering Spade

Tomorrow - market. Biking to Sooke, bussing to Victoria. Going to a couple of house shows.

Sunday - Matheson Lake

Monday - Coffee date and helping with the day programs at Ayre Manor

Now - About to settle down for the night and watch a movie. Enjoyed stuffed zucchini for dinner. No more zucchini please. I know there are buckets and buckets still full in the barn, but a person can only handle so much zucchini. Gouda is ripening for two days, took it out of the brine solution earlier today. Bicycle is fixed (not my doing). Running partner has been found. Moon is out. Eggs are washed and ready for market. My day is done.

Accurate display of my life